Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Danae's Reflections 30 Days Later

On March 10, thirty days after Olivia departed, Danae wrote
"I'm up thinking about what the weight of Olivia, (about 5lbs) felt like when I held her. My arms are painfully empty. I told Dave that for years I would hear stories about mothers giving their newborns up for adoption right after they gave birth. Holding their child and then handing them to their new family and new life. They wanted the very best life for their baby. They couldn't provide the best and so they made the hardest decision of their lives to surrender their child. They would go through the pains of their body wanting to nurse the new baby but their child was with another family. Recovering from child birth too would remind them of their loss every moment. I couldn't wrap my mind around how horrible it must be to do that. I used to grieve for mothers when I heard about them giving up their child like that. I also when reading the story of Moses would have that same grievous feeling in the pit of my stomach for Moses' mother as she had to send her child off, her beautiful baby into the arms of another woman. 

For me I carried my daughter for 8 months.  I couldn't even express the joy of being a mother to my daughter. Dave and I felt like we were equipped to raise her and ready to welcome her into our home. I gave birth and then I too held her, looked into her eyes, loved her more than life and then February 10th 2014, I handed her over to her new family, the father that would now raise her instead of me. Her home is in heaven and I don't get to see her. But I can know though, that she is with the best possible family in the universe. She is loved even more incomprehensibly to me, she is loved even more than Dave and I can love her. So I'm grievously thankful, mournfully excited for her to be raised in heaven."

Learning from my children…again!

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