Sunday, December 30, 2007

"I Thought" by Phil Engelman

I have known Phil and Sue for 35+years since college. They are some of the finest people on the planet and would be considered "Friends for Life".
He wrote...
I thought I was obeying you, but You’re showing me my obedience is only selective.
I thought I was serving in dependence on You, but You’re showing me I’ve been trusting in my own powers of persuasion.
I thought I was humble, but You’re showing me I’ve been proud in my own abilities.
I thought I cared about lost souls but You’re showing me I’ve really been seeking the approval of man.
I thought I cared for hurting people, but You’re showing me I’ve really been wanting their love in return for my loving them.
I thought I was accepting of all, but You’re showing me my prejudices.
I thought I cared about the glory of God and the expansion of His kingdom, but You’re showing me I’ve really been more concerned with building my own kingdom and having what I thought was ministry success.
I thought I had forgiven my offenders, but You’re showing me I have only begun the process.
I thought I was suffering for Your sake, but You’re showing me I really still love my own comfort.
I thought I was following Your lead, but You’re showing me I’ve really been running from my problems instead of seeking the Truth, no matter how painful.
I thought I was teachable, but You’re showing me places where I avoid wise counsel.
I thought I was worshipping You, but You’re showing me my heart is full of idols.
I thought I was trusting You with my life, but You’re showing me my heart is full of fear - fear of man, fear of failure, fear of rejection which only expose where my idols really lie.
I thought I had taken up Your cross, and died to self, but You’re showing me I am still very much alive.
I thought I loved You, but in repentance You’re showing me I have really been loving Myself.
Repentance is sweet pain. It leaves me not with despair but with hope that real change is taking place in my heart.
May God grant all of us a spirit of repentance.
I love this guy and his sweetheart.

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