Monday, March 02, 2015

3 Essential Things I Learned With Debbie In 40 Years of Marriage

I am currently in a men's group studying Ken Nair's book, "Discovering The Mind of a Woman." This is a highly insightful book if you want to become a better man and husband. It has made me think of three huge lessons I have learned with Debbie over 40 years of marriage:

1. Listen to the "cautions of your wife."

I first heard this idea when Debbie and I were in our 20's. It is huge. There are times when your wife will want to send you a caution about something or someone. She may not have all the facts and reasons that you need, but something in her is providing you a caution. Pay attention. Do not pass by it too quickly. It will save you a lot of grief over time.

2. "Your wife is feeding you information."

I first heard this idea at 43, 22 years into our marriage, in a counselor's office. On one occasion, Debbie was talking to me and I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." The counselor looked at me and said, stop that. I said, stop what? The counselor said, "your wife is feeding you information and you keep discounting her." This was a defining moment in our lives and marriage. Gents, your wife is feeding you important information about life, love, the children, the future, the past etc. Pay attention. It is a great source of information and opportunity to connect as couples.

3. Debbie is my "Lady of Wisdom."

Debbie and I were introduced to "5 Aspects of Woman" when we came to North Point in 2001. One of the aspects is, Lady of Wisdom. When I realized that Debbie was given to me as a lady of wisdom, she took the #1 poll position as my counselor. Yes, I still have a CPA, lawyer, realtor and other men, but she took the #1 place of wisdom and counsel to me.

When you listen to the caution of your wife, listen to the information she is feeding you and call her your, "Lady of Wisdom," you will experience a connection, intimacy and oneness in your marriage that you never imagined. Enjoy.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Questions From A Son to His Father

In the fall of 2014, my son, Dave, was thinking through his life and our relationship. As a result, he sent me the following questions that I have been thinking about and processing ever since. I initially wrote back an eleven page response but realize that these questions and conversations really take a life time. I hope that as you read them, you too will process and answer with your own father and sons.

Time together
How much 1 on 1 time did we spend together?
What did we do together to bond?
What kinds of things did we do for fun?
What were some of your ways / attempts to connect with me?

What kinds of activities, discussions, or preparations did you do with me to become a man?
What kinds of attempts were made to help me during my lost NOVA years?
How far out did you think about your my future?
What are things you wanted to instill in me?
How did you prepare me for marriage?

What did you notice about me?
When did you realize I was going to become a man?
What did you think I was good at?

How often did we talk about;
- my interests
- my talents
- acquiring hobbies
- managing finances
- attending college
- determining a career
- types of employment
- how to plan for the future
- how to finding purpose
- how to treat women
- preparing for marriage

Current tense
What is the role of a father?
What is the role of a father once his children are out of the house?

My part with my wife and children
What is man's responsibility as a husband?
What is man's responsibility as a father?
What do those responsibilities look like on a day to day basis?
Should father's teach their sons how to be husbands? If so, what should be taught?
Should father's teach their sons how to be fathers? If so, what should be taught?

I am hoping to know and grow with you.

Love you,

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving Day 2014

This morning as I wake and wait for six of my eight children and eight of my twelve grandchildren to arrive for Thanksgiving, I am full of thanks. I thought of many things in this time and season of my life.
  1. My Father in heaven who made me and loves me.
  2. My Savior, Jesus Christ, who died and rose again for me and my sin.
  3. My Helper and Comforter, the Holy Spirit who empowers me each day.
  4. The Bible, the Word of God which feeds me daily bread and lights my path.
  5. Creation and all the magnificent things God has made for His glory and our enjoyment.
  6. My story, with all the good, hard and ugly of it...the redemptive beauty that is coming from birth order, time in history, gender, gifts, talents, parents, sisters, and all my experiences.
  7. Debbie and our relationship for over 40 amazing and remarkable woman, wife, mother, grand mother, artist and servant. A true "Lady of Wisdom."
  8. Four married children and awesome spouses
  9. Twelve grand children...10 boys...2 girls, though Olivia is in heaven waiting for us.
  10. My Mom and her beautiful marriage to and ministry with, Wayne May.
  11. Very dear friends and a counselor who help me be a better man, husband, father, grandfather, son brother and servant leader. 
  12. A good work to do with men and (7), with a crystal clear mission to, "Restore man to his original design."
  13. A great church...leading people into growing relationships with Jesus Christ.
  14. A small group of couples we love and love doing life together.
  15. Health, even though at 60 I am beginning to feel the "4th Quarter" changes. :-)
  16. Our home...a place of refuge and hospitality and ministry and so much more.
  17. Anticipation and hope for 2015 and the years to come, Lord willing.
So many more blessings in Christ, in this life and the life to come.

You? For what are you thankful this season?

Heavenly Father, thank you for your amazing love and grace and kindness in my life. I am humbled by all that You are and all You have given to me in Jesus and your Spirit. I give thanks this day, for the good, hard and ugly things that have happened in my life and thank you that you are healing, redeeming, restoring and so much more. Thank Jesus Name.

In Everything Give Thanks

Giving thanks is such a big idea in the Bible. Giving thanks is an act of the will and obedience more than an act from our emotions. Some times we "feel" thankful and give thanks and other times we don't. Either way, when we give thanks, it is saying, "God, you are good and I trust you in this circumstance, even though it does not "feel" good.

This Thanksgiving, practice giving thanks in every circumstance...good, hard or ugly. God is working it all His way...and will make all things His time.

1 Chr. 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 

Psa. 7:17 I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High. 

Psa. 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. 

Psa. 75:1   We give thanks to you, O God, we give thanks, for your Name is near; men tell of your wonderful deeds. 

Psa. 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. 

Psa. 105:1   Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. 

Psa. 106:1   Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 

Psa. 106:47 Save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise. 

Psa. 107:1   Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 

Psa. 118:19 Open for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the LORD. 

Psa. 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven.      His love endures forever. 

Is. 12:4   In that day you will say: “Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. 

Jer. 33:11 the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the LORD, saying, “Give thanks to the LORD Almighty, for the LORD is good; his love endures forever.” For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before,’ says the LORD. 

1Th. 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

Rev. 11:17 saying: “We give thanks to you, Lord God Almighty, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and have begun to reign.